So here’s what I’ve decided to start reading up on now that I have some free time on my hands.
I bought this book yesterday. Obviously not all of this is practical when you live in the suburbs of Vegas but hey. There is still a lot that applies and it’s all pretty interesting. I’m not sold enough to create my own composting toilet but I like talking about it for the shock value, ha!
I should probably make some kind of bloggers apology for basically falling off the face of the earth for however many months it’s been now. But that is assuming that I have some kind of following that is actually disappointed when I do not update with my cooking attempts and life musings.
I was lying in bed tonight, not really very sleepy and most definitely contemplative. I’ve been doing that a lot lately, I’ll get to why here shortly. I realized I stopped writing because I didn’t feel good about my life. At some point I wasn’t enjoying it as much and the idea of putting that out there to the internet world just felt like one more thing I didn’t have energy for. I probably could have come up with *something* to say just to keep this blog alive but it wouldn’t have been genuine. I would have been trying to keep up appearances and I just didn’t want to do that.
I’ve been thinking about why I even like writing posts like this. I mean this could just as easily be a personal journal most of the time. I think I’ve narrowed down why it appeals to me. Because it forces me to think things out all the way. I’m a little more introspective because someone else might see this. I’m not nearly as mean to myself on here as I would be in private. I cut myself some slack when I screw up or laugh at an embarrassing moment. I don’t always do that in my hard bound journal. I look back through those pages, which I realize is sort of a journal no no, and wonder why I would even say that to myself. A little self-chastising isn’t the end of the world, it’s probably even healthy but this is different some how.
Quite frankly I kind of like not always being alone with my thoughts.
I’ve been having kind of a weird revelation of sorts. 2012 was not really my year, to put it lightly and succinctly. I can see now that it was a growing experience and it has shaped me for the better. But let’s be honest, most of the time “shaping” sucks while it’s happening to you.
So here I am. On the brink of turning 27 and feeling like wow. I am really not where I thought I would be when I imagined myself in my late (!!) twenties. It certainly isn’t all bad, because there have been a lot of fun surprises mixed in there. But it is kind of funny how off I was when I imagined it while I was still a teenager.
Last week I did something that I never really thought I would EVER do. I quit my job without a full on, for sure, back up plan. Let me preface that by saying we could afford for me to do this and I am not currently sending my little family into financial ruin. But I suppose nothing is really for certain. Anyway! I put in my notice at work and here I am. I have fleeting thoughts of panic, mostly oh dear God what if?! And I fill in the blank with some terrible scenario. But wouldn’t you know it? For the most part I feel like this was a really, really good decision. I’ve had my moments of aimlessness, and I anticipate having more of those as time goes on and projects are less readily available. That said, I just feel so good. I feel like I can breath. I feel like I can think straight. I love that I have room in my mind and heart for my husband and I am not so consumed by my own little mess of emotions all the time.
I cooked this week, people. Like really cooked a thought out, more then two step meal. More than once this week. This is a very good sign. When I stop cooking and start resorting to convenience foods and take out as more then an occasional option… Just walk away.
Anyway. This has been a week of thinking. Lots of cleaning and lots of thinking. And I guess I just felt the need to share? I am not sure where I’ll go from here blog wise, I’m not even sure if I could ever really stick to any one topic like I used to picture myself doing.
All I really know is that it feels really good to start acting like myself again. Rambling blogs included. And I feel really fortunate that there are still some people out there who read this. Even if I know most of you in real life. It really helps some how.
Well it’s late. And I am starting to try and talk myself out of publishing this post. So! Until later.
Maybe it’s my church upbringing or just the way my parents always did Sundays, but there is something about this day that makes me want to be snuggled up at home. This could mean doing chores around the house or a new project, today it means baking and football.
So far it’s just been “cheater” muffins (which means out of a box.. but they still smell delicious).
See?
Later on I plan on making chocolate chip cookies. I was possessed to buy mini M&M’s in place of chocolate chips this time around, probably from spending too much time on Pintrest honestly. I love the way homemade cookies make the house smell!
Today is a semi-historic day. The 49ers are in the playoffs and are playing the NY Giants today. Now no matter what happens, I want it to be known that our family is actually having a dinner/get together based around this game. And in honor of that I am making chicken wings.
In the latest Food Network Magazine there was a recipe for Baked Buffalo Wings with Bleu Cheese-Yogurt Dip. I tested them out on Tyson last weekend while he was watching the Supercross races and they were met with rave reviews. And I must say.. Even I liked them. This is saying something because I am not a fan of messy foods that I have to eat with my hands, nor am I fan of gnawing on bones to get my food. But these were worth it. Wings are on sale often right now in honor of the upcoming Superbowl so do yourself a favor, pick up a bag and try these out. I used the drummettes only because they have more meat on them and it worked wonderfully.
Last week we decided to try making homemade chicken gyros. This was inspired by a trip to Mad Greek that recently opened a location in Vegas. Theirs were delicious but quite pricey. So this left me to figure out how to get my “fix” without spending $25 for “fast food”. I tested out my idea on Tyson (are you sensing a pattern here? I love my guinea pig haha) and we liked it so much I ended up making it again this weekend when a friend came over for dinner. It’s nothing fancy or complicated but somehow it hits the spot.
Chop up green bell pepper, tomatoes and a healthy dose of cucumber.
Cook up your chicken which has been marinating for a few hours. I used an already prepared marinade that was "Herb & Garlic with Lemon", threw in a cut up fresh lemon and let it soak for a good 6 hours.
Pick up a bottle of this or something similar. I used it on our "Greek Fries" and also in the yogurt sauce. So good!
Here's an ugly shot of the yogurt sauce I made to go on the gyros and also to dip the fries in. It is plain Greek yogurt with chopped up cucumber, Greek seasoning, salt and pepper to taste.
For the fries I went the easy route and used frozen crinkle fries sprinkled heavily with the Greek seasoning. It was quick and had satisfying results as far as flavor went. You will also want to heat up you pita bread at this point so that it is more pliable. We filled our pita bread with the chicken and veggies, wrapped it up in foil and let everything warm up together in the oven for a few minutes. 8 minutes is probably ideal but I was piggish and took mine out after 5 minutes, ha!
Here is the end result! We topped ours with lettuce the first time and skipped it the second time. Your pita will be plenty full without it but it is up to you! Top with yogurt sauce and dig in.
What I liked about this recipe is that it is quick enough to do during the week but you don’t feel like you are missing out on flavor! I think it would also be a good meal in the heat of summer because the veggies and yogurt sauce offer a light quality to the meal.
That’s all I’ve got for now 
Until Later.
~Erin
XOXO
I know I am over a week late on this but! Here’s my New Year post nonetheless.
I said I was going to do better about blogging now that my life is not so.. Meh. A little drama here and there keeps things spicy I guess but when your whole life feels like it’s becoming a soap opera and you’re powerless to stop it it’s not so cute.
We kept it simple and maybe even a little elderly for New Year’s. Going out to eat at our favorite Italian restaurant and sipping sparkling Moscato when we got home. I think we maaaybe watched a movie? All I know for sure is that the lights were out by eleven PM and I did not stir. Not even for fireworks. Which is impressive because I usually wake up if a cat so much as murrrs out in the living room.
It’s been a pretty great couple of weeks what with all the work sanctioned holidays and long weekends. I’m not sure how to handle the idea of a full work week. Let’s just hope it’s gentle 
I suppose getting back on track with full paychecks is something to look forward to.
We were actually pretty productive with our last long weekend. I cleaned out the linen closet, which sounds weird but TRUST ME it needed to happen. I managed to discard enough crud that I could move all my cookbooks into the closet where they are easily accessible vs. above the stove where they tended to fall out onto people’s head (…or maybe just mine ok).
We also cleaned out the office and put things away. That’s right, after a year of living on our house we finally decided it might be good to start unpacking. So in the spirit of embracing our home we cleaned and organized. We purchased a color printer which was sorely needed because we kept having to go across the street to my parents for various print projects since ours was the black and white printer that came with my computer haha. Also it seemed like maaaaybe we should have a scanner. We ended up getting a shredder too, which feels very business like and official but in reality is really really loud and doesn’t accept you putting very many papers in it at once. Oops. But once I figured it out it works like a charm! We filed our bills and important papers. I re-installed Quicken and have resolved to actually give it a chance this time. We’re revamping our budget so I thought maybe I could use a little help with that. Just a thought.
I made my first ever roast chicken for Sunday dinner over the long weekend as well! Poultry freaks me out when it’s in its full form. Not only the gross out factor but the being sure its done factor as well. This time the recipe did not let me down! It turned out juicy and tender AND done!
Ta Da!
I know it looks a little scary with the burned up veggies below it and the lemon bursting out of its hindquarters but it was actually really really tasty! We had mashed potatoes and salad with it. It felt very classic and Sunday-dinner-ish. The boy enjoyed it and so did I.
Well I’d better get back to my Sunday. Hope everyone is well!
Until Later.
~Erin
XOXO
Sometimes I let life get in the way. I guess that’s not always a bad thing. I do need to prioritize how I spend my not working hours. But in this case I’ve also dropped some thing that’s I enjoy. Like blogging and really cooking.
I’ve noticed that I haven’t written in here since July. And that’s probably because my life got pretty crazy and I was pretty darn miserable right about that time. Since then a lot has changed. I left the company that I had worked for the past 3 years, the place I thought I would be staying at for a very, very long time. Some of it was about a new opportunity and some of it wasn’t. The main point is that I had become unhappy and had finally decided to do something about it after over a year of being uncomfortable. Let me just say right now, if you’re ever unhappy about something that you DO have the power to change (and Lord knows there are plenty of situations where we have no choice but to grin and bear it) please, please do so. I had no idea how much I was poisoning my own life. I really didn’t.
So fast forward a few months and here I am. I am working for a new company on a project that is just outside of town. Yes, it is a very long drive some days (ok, most) but there are perks. One is that we only work 4 day work weeks, sure it means I’m there for 10 hours but lets face it… I was at my other job for 9 hours anyway since I rarely left for lunch. It’s a new focus as I’m working for the owner of the project, and that is unlike anything I have ever done before. It’s odd to see the other side of things after being on the side that has to try to please the owner for the past 5 years. I feel like it’s giving me good experience whether it’s my long-term solution or not. And I am trying to give myself a real chance to decide what I think – no more jumping to conclusions or feeling unnecessarily stuck. It’s ok to wait and see and let my feelings evolve as I get my footing.
I’ve met some characters along the way at my new job – and in their own way they’re helping me. I’ve realized that I can make huge changes in my life without completely falling apart. It is possible for me to work in an office where I previously didn’t know anyone and guess what? People actually have talked to me and I haven’t been so hopelessly shy that I couldn’t start to be myself. For the first time in a while, I feel ok in my own skin. At work of all places. Who knew?
It’s too early for me to know if this is where I’ll be staying for the long haul, but I’m grateful to have the option.
Something else I hadn’t talked about on here because well, we hadn’t really told anyone besides our close friends and family. Tyson got laid off in January and continued to be unemployed until October. Through a series of events that have nothing to do with Tyson or his work abilities he was more or less screwed out of opportunities to work within the union. Twice. And that was a pretty big blow to the ol’ ego, I hate when people live up to what you expect sometimes. So once October rolled around we decided we were tired of waiting for the union figure things out so he started looking in other fields. In really no time at all he had landed a job at an auto body shop, and that is where he is still working today. Sure it isn’t his dream career, or what he’s even going to school for but it’s something he can definitely fall back on if he ever needs to again, and he’s good at it. So you know, that helps haha. It’s not perfect, but really what is? We’re thankful that he has a job and is able to get out of the house and work with his hands.
Those two things have pretty much had the starring role in our lives this past year. I’m ready for us to have a quiet, boring year of marriage I think. It seems like ever since we’ve been together there’s just been one storm after another. I suppose that’s both life and marriage, and I am grateful to know that we can stick it out even when stuff sucks beyond what we could have imagined. I think if there’s anything else that has been gained throughout all of this its learning some lessons on what’s important to keep in our life and what is best to just let go of. Because when you’re already having a hard time with the stuff you can’t change, why be unhappy about the small stuff? It’s no worth it to be upset all the time and I hear it’s bad for your health
So here we are. It’s Christmas time and we had a really lovely holiday. Seriously, it was one of the best ever. We did a gift exchange/dinner with Tyson’s family on Friday. Saw his mom for a little while on Saturday. Sunday was Christmas and we spent pretty much the whole day with my family. That’s the benefit to having them across the street haha! If you forget something, no big deal. If you want to go home for a while and just chill or nap or something, you can.
I kind of made out like a bandit again this year. I am very spoiled by both my family and Tyson. They really do a wonderful job of picking out things that I like. I really appreciate them taking the time to find things that are personalized to me – I hope they enjoyed their gifts as much as I enjoyed picking them out.
We ended up doing our own Christmas Eve dinner again this year. Just Tyson and myself. So we went all out on buying a couple of nice steaks and some toppings for that, we made potatoes and salad and finished it off with a sparkling wine. It was simple, but tasty.
Christmas dinner was the kind of meal that really makes eating for the next week kind of unnecessary. It was delicious. Mom made a prime rib, we had mashed potatoes/gravy, salad, green beans, and yorkshire puddings. It was really, really good. Mom followed it up with her apple pie, which is always tasty.
We played this new board game Tyson and I picked up called Logos. Which had some pretty entertaining results even if my brother did somehow end up winning the whole thing. I was happy to find a game that was challenging enough, but that we all seemed to actually like. And it didn’t have a bunch of silly rules or involve any type of charades haha. So I was sold on it from the get go. I think it might actually get played again sometime, which is saying something!
Oh! I almost forgot to mention something that was kind of a mini-milestone for me. We had our very first Christmas party! Here in our little house. It was the only party we’ve had here since our house-warming. It went almost surprisingly well despite me trying to stress myself into a coma by turning into Suzy Homemaker “why yes everything is homemade and yes my house is ALWAYS this clean” for a few hours… But once the cooking and cleaning was done and people started showing up (always a fear of mine.. what if nobody comes??? I’ll be so sad and embarrassed) – it was really really nice. I was very happy with the group we had and it made me realize what great people we have in our life. Even if we don’t see them super often, when we do it’s like no time has passed. There’s plenty of laughing and chatting no matter what. I really love the group of people we have surrounding us and supporting us. Family most certainly does not *always* mean blood related.
Anyway – I should get started on my day. We both actually have today off and I should probably enjoy not having something or another to prep for. I really hope to get back into blogging during this new year. I miss it and I think it’s important for my mental and emotional health. I have a lot of hopes and plans for this coming year and hopefully I’ll be able to bring some of those to life and share them here.
Hope everyone had a fantastic holiday!
Until Later.
~Erin
XOXO
Sometimes I feel like God gets my attention when I least want him to. Does that make any sense? I’ll be in the middle of what I feel like is a difficult time, or a time of righteous indignation and BAM he gets me right where it hurts. Right in core, cutting to the very point I’m most protective of.
Yesterday in church our pastor talked about joy in laying aside. At first that didn’t sound like anything to be worried about, joy is a pleasant enough topic. I like happiness! So I settled in, ready to take in the soothing, comfortable subject.
But no… It was not simply about “joy”. It was about finding happiness and contentment in letting go. Specifically releasing people who have hurt you. I felt myself bristle and there was a really distinct tightening in my chest. Why would I ever want to “let them off”? Isn’t that just encouraging bad behaviour and letting dangerous people into my life? Doesn’t that go against every common sense counseling opinion? Toxic people can’t help but spread their poison so long as they never get help or change their lives… Why would God ever want that for me?
Fortunately what he was saying was not simply “forgive and pretend it never happened”. In fact he clarified that that isn’t what God is saying either. Laying aside – or forgiving the people who have hurt us is releasing the anger and bitterness that unforgiveness breeds in our lives. That doesn’t always equal bringing those people back into your life with open arms. It just means you are choosing to get things right between you and God.
Hanging on to hurt is one of the quickest ways I rob myself of the things that life is really all about. What God has really intended for me. Instead of flourishing and succeeding I am constantly held back by that anger and bitterness, even if it’s just ever so slightly.
I peeked over at Tyson part way through the teaching to see if he was crawling in his own skin the way I was, but he looked obnoxiously content. I decided it was my own guilt and conviction making me sit on pins and needles. It wasn’t until later when Tyson said “you know? That message really hit home for me today.” that I understood that we were on the same page.
Without getting into hairy details – there’s been a lot of garbage happening in my life lately. A lot of negative experiences with other’s, a lot of hurt and ugly things being put out there in my general direction. There’s a lot of past stuff in there too, stuff I thought I had dealt with rearing its head and threatening to come back to life if I leave it unchecked. And in all honesty I have a “right” to be angry, some of this stuff is very real and very wrong… And that’s why this message hit me so hard.
God asks us to extend to other’s the grace and forgiveness he has openly extended to us. To lay aside our ideas of what our “rights” are and accept what he has said is right. When I don’t do that or at least WORK towards that I am in direct defiance of him. That’s not a comfortable thought for me. I’m not sure that I can afford to add to my load in such a way.
Anyway, why would I want that for myself? A life hampered by the past? A life tainted by bitterness and flavored with anger and hurt? That isn’t a life at all.
So I guess this is me saying, I’m going to try. I know it won’t be overnight or by my own hand. But with God’s help, I am going to do my best to work to that point of forgiveness and release.
^^^ There’s the link to our pastor’s sermon.
I hope this Monday finds everyone well.
Until Later.
~Erin
XOXO
I wish there was an excellent explanation for my lack of blogging these days. But there isn’t. Quite frankly it’s mostly that I’ve felt like my days have been unblogworthy. Without pictures and projects, who really cares? The truth is that I love writing, but I know that blogs about someone’s personal life can be viewed as boring or strange. So I’m torn. Do I write anyhow or do I keep it to myself?
I’ve had a lot of time to think lately, which is good because I’ve also had a lot on my mind. So I thought I’d write a post about what I’ve learned lately.
I realized that I have spent a lot of time worrying about what other’s think these last few years. I think subconsciously I’ve been trying to attain what I now understand is unattainable approval. The past week has been a hard lesson in realizing that sometimes you really cannot please someone else. No matter how much you want to.
The more I thought about how much time I’ve spent defending myself or apologizing for being myself. The more I realized what a complete waste of time that is. I have been spending valuable emotional and sometimes physical energy on stuff that doesn’t improve me as a person. I can’t be anyone else but myself, sure I should be trying to be the best version of myself that I can be. But that’s the most I can do. I need to stop viewing my personality traits as all weaknesses, and stop spending time with people who make me feel like I am weak.
It comes down to me making a personal priority list of who’s opinion truly matters. And it’s pretty short and simple. It goes: God, Tyson, my loved ones. I say loved ones because I want to include a select group of friends as well as my parents/family. Maybe there’s some fluctuation to the last part of the list, but generally that’s it.
I can’t keep apologizing for my relationship with Tyson. Nor can I keep defending it. Sometimes there are things it just doesn’t matter if other people understand. The inner workings of my marriage is one of those things. It’s not something that needs to be discussed or analyzed with anyone but Tyson. And it’s certainly only between us and God how we run our relationship. So what have I been trying to prove? What have I been worried about people thinking? I have to stop letting negativity run my thoughts and ultimately my life. I am missing precious moments of living when it comes to my marriage. I keep worrying about the future when that’s not something I am even guaranteed. Tyson is my world, our home is a sanctuary and I am doing both a disservice by being distracted all the time.
I realized I suck at giving up and letting go. I am stubborn to a fault. Sometimes I want pieces to come together that never matched up in the first place. And that’s ok. What’s meant to be will be and the rest can fall by the wayside. I don’t need to keep picking those pieces up.
I started trying to get back to art this last week or so. I have sadly neglected my creative juices. I was really beginning to believe that they had dried up altogether. It took becoming frustrated and stressed out about life in general to really give me that nudge shove in the right direction. I pulled out my art supplies that I had stuffed in a closet when we first moved in and started painting. I don’t expect it to be some masterpiece or a life’s work but damn it felt good. I’m hoping to work on it some more over the weekend, fingers crossed.
The month of July marks 3 years together for Tyson and myself. It’s strange how it seems like so much longer than that in the best possible way. I know I had a life before him but he has managed to make that time pale in comparison to what my life is now.
I remember meeting him for the first time so distinctly. It was right after a series of dating disasters at the beginning of the year, followed by me “quitting” dating and saying ok God. I’m done trying to figure this out for a good long while. I remember Tyson coming into my office to do some repairs and some painting for the renovation that was happening office wide and striking up awkward small talk. We got comfortable talking pretty quickly and I couldn’t help thinking why God? Why right now. I was just getting to be ok with where I was at and now in walks this man.
Don’t get me wrong, he was a mess. He had just gotten through a separation and a divorce, and was understandably all over the place because of that. But he was beautiful, smart, funny and honest. He was good, I was so baffled by that. I’d gotten used to the men out there that wanted nothing to do with committment or deep conversation. I was convinced finding someone NOT like that was supposed to be hard and take years to find. I’m not supposed to be finding that at 22 years of age, this isn’t going to last. Maybe he’s just talking to me because he’s desperate and wants to get laid (sorry sweets… haha I know better now, promise.).
But I couldn’t stop talking to him. I tried. I blew him off ungraciously a couple of times before really giving him a chance. It’s as if I sensed that if I let him in I wouldn’t be able to just walk away. When we finally did spend time together outside of work and phone, it was goofy. We went to Best Buy for goodness sake. Who takes a potential love interest to an electronics store? But after that we were rarely separated for long.
Obviously you know how the story ends, and we’ll be married for 2 years come September. It’s funny now to look back at how insecure we were, how much I was afraid and how far I ended up jumping in once it happened. He’s the love of my life, for better or worse. Sometimes it aches to think about how much I care for him. It’s scary and wonderful at the same time.
So now that you’re choking on the sugary sap of those last couple of paragraphs. I’ll close for now.
Until Later.
~Erin
XOXO
